Grace: a working definition
I have this picture on my phone because it reminds to be free.
I have long been puzzled by grace, what exactly is it? There are so many things to know and learn about God and I have been busy with love, compassion, forgiveness, abiding, humility and so on. Recently, a friend told me something to the effect that I carry some wounds around like a purse. I frankly dismissed the thought. I have other problems, but I do try to work though my issues. Then, I hit a wall with Lent and I wanted to quit so badly. I gave up wine and sweets and I have been grumpy for weeks. I enjoy the routine and comfort of it all. I was trying to focus on sacrifice and pondering sacrifice, but by and large, this Lenten season has not been as good as others. One night, I was complaining and I felt like God said I will give you grace to finish this. Irritated, I thought what does grace even mean, really? I had a picture of Jesus about to go to the cross and felt the Lord say, Grace is how he did that and it is the greatest power. The next day, dropping the kids off at school, I was in need of grace and I was reminded of what my friend said. She also tends to Google things she doesn’t understand, so I tried it. Sometimes when you are mining the depths of God, you hit a vein of GOLD. This was one of those times for me, FINALLY a definition I can get behind and immediately apply. According to Merriam Webster, the first definition of grace is this
1 a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance
OH!! You mean God’s help I didn’t ask for or deserve… well no wonder. My mind knows this, but my body and my life don’t. I live like it is up to me and I try and if it doesn’t work , I try harder at times, angry, driven, taskmaster. Just last week my shoulder was in deep pain and I caught myself driving and pushing my body forward. In other words, I am tense and uptight all the time because I feel responsible. I could not identify a problem because I am happy and I love my family and God. When I apply this definition, I can relax because God is more than able and He already is at work in my life. I find my mind clear and at peace, so I can listen to people and love them without having this feeling of what do I need to do. Peace of mind, peace in my body and my heart is full of joy—news flash, it’s not up to me. I look at Jesus and wonder was it grace that drew people to him and was it grace that enabled him to sleep during a monsoon as when he woke, he chided his friends because they did not trust God. I seem to be more able to trust God in the details, which has ALWAYS eluded me. The only place I feel total serenity is in prayer OR for me at the airport for some reason. Must have been grace all this time.
Immediate ramifications for my family mean I don’t have to be harsh or lose patience or push them to do what I think I need them to do. I am able to be present putting my daughters to bed and ask them if they need to confess or do they need to forgive anyone? I can be patient in their fighting and help navigate to the root of the issues. This morning, I saw jealousy brew in my one daughter and I was able to help her get in touch with that feeling and also to pray and ask forgiveness for ways I have not moved in grace and I have disciplined harshly. She thanked me afterwards and I told her this grace thing is new for me. If I operate according to this definition, I am responding rather than initiating and that is incredibly freeing for me. The disconnect of head knowledge is fading as my will and self get in line with what I know to be true. Jesus died and sent a helper, so walking in the Spirit is walking by grace aka God's help, undeserved.
Father, I ask for courage for deeper trust and dependence on you and for deeper revelation of GRACE. Thank you!
