ADHD and the modular approach
Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
As I am reveiwing my treatment binder, I am reminded of how new, uncomfortable, exciting and daunting all of this felt. I was super motivated to change because I realized the downsides of ADHD are what hindered my goals and also damaged my relationships. However, it was not natural to take these steps. I forgot to mention how everything in me resisted writing EVERYTHING down on a calendar and how I did NOT WANT to write down a schedule each day—I had lived ebb and flow, all or nothing, deep dive or deep avoidance, hyperpductive or hyper reclusive FOR SO LONG.
I found it interesting that we worked in modules which broke down all of these concepts for retraining my brain. It was all about introducing one skill at a time and practicing it until it becomes a habit. One of the issues is follow through and quitting before the skill becomes a habit, so it was helpful to have the encouragement, a place to process and problem solve that the weekly sessions brought.
I loved these “rules” for the calendar and task list:
The calendar and taks list systems replaces ALL pieces of paper (I will miss you post it notes)
Phone messages from voice mail or other places go on the task list (WHA?!)
All appointments go on the calendar (oh, like that’s why you take the calendar everywhere?)
All tasks must go on the task list (genius!)
Do not obsess about trying to get a perfect system (gulp, how did you know?)
Use a system that is within your comfort zone (hate digital formats)
I wrote in the post how it was embarrassing to be a type, but what I found eventually is that it is also freeing because you can overcome these ways of thinking or acting!! We CAN build these skills that are not natural or intuitive for us! My therapist teased me because I was reluctant to give up post it notes, but she said you can use them in the car to write down things you need to remember or if you are doing a focused activity, you can write down all the impulse thoughts or ideas that seem to float through any time I needed to focus! That was a good and satisfying compromise.
I had researched a calendar for graduate school (this was the top one). When it arrived, I was surprised to find that it is ADHD friendly. It’s called the Passion Planner and it helps the dreamer and visionary types like myself. You write out dreams and then break them down into goals and the best part is that every month you reflect and write the goals and dreams into a task list that goes into the calendar!! I was amazed at how supportive this calendar is for my new habits. It is a lot of work—I am a year and half in and still don’t have it all down to a habit, BUT I am making slow progress and actually achieving goals and dreams!!
My other favorite section was pitfalls:
“Be aware of thoughts that may sabotage your success down the road, such as these ”:
“I don’t have room in my bag for my tablet or smartphone”
“I’ve never been an ogranized person; why start now?”
“If I write down my appointments and assignments, I will then be responsible for them.”
These are called interfering thoughts and I would add, “Schedules and writing things down in such detail will cramp my creative and spontaneous nature!!” “This is so boring!”
It seems “our type” has to be in the mood for things or another way to put it is all about motivation. The encouragement of course is that through discipline, these things will become a habit and not so hard to think about or so hard to remember to do.
Part of this making a task list involved understanding what your daily activities are and how long they take. Another issue for people like me is time management and time blindness. We either over or underestimate how long it takes to do various activities which can make us late or do too much or procrastinating. This was so eye opening. I never could understand why I couldn’t get a simple kitchen clean up routine. My therapist had me write my daily tasks down and then spend the next 2 -3 weeks chronicling how long it took to do everything (I kept forgetting to set the timer and actually write it down!)
That blew me away! Some things I was acurate about, but other things, I was way off! Dishes was one of them-I thought it took at least 30 minutes whereas it was 10 minutes! That explained a lot and to this day, I try to finish the dishes each night (or first thing in the morning) because I get in touch with the fact that it only takes 10 minutes. The result of understanding how much time daily tasks take has brought a lot of peace. I don’t have to think about it all so much —there is a lot of internal chatter that is both draining and time consuming. I never realized how much internal time and space all of these extra decisions took. Once I figured out time and daily chores, that was taken away. It had weighed me down, and I didn’t even know it because these are such small thoughts about daily things that I didn’t even notice. All of these changes have brought peace because things are more regularly in order, and I am able to be more consistent and somewhat efficient.
I like targeting the executive dysfunction…I had found this image of a dam because I imagine these skills are like how a dam harnesses water energy and power. That is so hopeful and helps me to push past the discomfort. I can’t stress how much work all of this is but little by little I do find it paying off and the reward is more free time for creative processes or research or the things I really love. In addition, the freedom I feel in increasing measure—that has been so fresh and NEW and joyful—I didn’t even know all the little things that were weighing me down, whew!
Bonus: Read here an excellent article on adult ADHD, especially helpful is a discussion on medicines or therapy.
