Ode to Standardized Tests

Photo by Hans Eiskonen on Unsplash

I knew going in that it would not be easy to take this test I had to take for a teaching license. I don’t do well on these tests but I thought maybe something would change now that I know I have ADHD.

Yes, I had to forgive myself for not thinking to ask for accommodations until after I had registered for the test and it was too late.

I could not find a testing center within 2 hours, even though I live amongst some of the finest universities in the country which have French teacher training programs. I drove to rural North Carolina and turned at one point on Chicken Lane. That was daunting, but I arrived and of course, they are the nicest people on the planet, and I was immediately put at ease.

This is a requirement for teaching French. You must take a test that demonstrates you have language capability. I am fine with that sentiment, but the test did not match the goal.

I was put in a room with 4-5 other adults also taking their tests. We all had headsets.

The first hour is listening to a series of interviews and then answering questions. You listen twice, you have one minute to read the questions and then 20 seconds to answer each question. I can’t even read that fast in English much less French.

After an hour, I began to hear clicking —people are typing. I got triggered. It’s stressful, they are going faster than me and at times I couldn’t hear because they were typing so loud.

Then they start to answer their questions in Spanish. I fight panic—they are one million times better than me and all native speakers. I can’t hear my own questions because they are so loud. I could not hear my own questions because I began to sink under a feeling of inadequacy as I heard their quick and perfect Spanish. My French got worse.

I watched as some of the questions changed without me answering, and then I squinted my eyes to try to focus and answer and speak the best I could.

As expected, this test did NOT in fact test my French capabilities. I did not pass. The test did not measure its intended outcome. What it measured was how fast could I read and answer questions. If they really wanted me to hear and answer and focus, I would have been in a room by myself. I took a whole class on how to make a test and this would not have been acceptable. There were too many contradicting variables that took away from said goal—can this person speak, write and understand French? Maybe, maybe not. Why is this a timed test? Why is 20 seconds given to read a question and five answers and think about the interview? Who came up with that formula?

I find this ironic that a test given to teachers could never be used in our classrooms because of the flawed methodology! How is this OK?

ADHD aside, it was a bad format!! With ADHD, it was miserable!

I got my score and only missed passing by six points. You know what my worst section was? That’s right, the listening section where I could not hear. Well, I wasn’t thinking I was going to take it again.

If this were 30 years ago, I would have felt like a huge failure and had no idea what went wrong! I would assume it had something to do with my lack of ability. It would have been a closed door. For my program, I only have to attempt it. But it bothered me not to pass. I was conflicted on whether or not I need a license to do what I intend to do. Shortly after that, I left for language school in France.

While I was in language school, I started thinking about how much I can navigate in French. I CAN speak French, in fact! That test was so naughty. So, I called the ETS center when I returned and of course it was too late, and I should have said something at the time and gotten accommodations, etc. FINE, ETS.

The joy of being over 50 and doing this in faith is that I KNOW I am a French teacher and I know God has a place for me. I know this was a bad test, and I know that this a flawed system that I have to navigate and that’s ok.

I decided to take it again. It took me two attempts to get accommodations, but I succeeded and I got rescheduled for the at home version. They say it takes 3 times to pass this particular test because the scoring is so high. You are supposed to get 162 points to pass.

I didn’t want to give up. I do think having the license, which is good for ten years will be useful, so I am determined to try again.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE that the at home test was in fact WORSE than the in person test. I had a super picky proctor. Also, your camera had to show the whole room—they should have said you need a lap top. You had to register the computer ahead of time, so they could check it out, so I couldn’t just switch computers anyway. My desk top is so heavy and the proctor asked me to survey the room which involved lifting it up and trying to not unplug it to show what is in the room. I turned off the computer by accident and had to re-sign in. It took an hour to check in. I had to lift up my sleeves and show the cords under the desk. THEN, here is the worst part—I had to move the desk top to show the entry way in to the room which meant for 3 hours I had to sit on the floor in order to take the test. A 53 year old woman took a test on the floor. It was beyond ridiculous and sort of humiliating. I could not believe it, but I was so determined, I did it. By the way, the actual test accommodations were perfect—I had extra time for each question and was able to read and think about my answer. I did give them honest feedback, but did not hear from the testing site.

I passed with a 163 — 1 point over what I needed. I can’t even say anything else…