Sometimes, there IS lemonade in the pantry...
My first quote on paper via my daughter, Emma Shae, who likes to make signs. She was so enamored with me saying this because she said out loud, "I wish we had some lemonade." I said, "We do have lemonade. It's in the pantry" This is noteworthy because we too often say no to our children. In fact, I feel it is my mandate... So, it stood out that we had lemonade, and Emma Shae made a sign and stuck it on our door.
It also was the same week we decided to go back to France. So, we commented that sometimes there IS lemonade in the pantry and sometimes you find out you are going to Paris.
I took French for ten years and loved it, but at university, I stopped on an upper level course. I switched my minor to African American studies and haven't had a whole lot of opportunity to speak French for twenty four years. Recently, I have not been able to shake the feeling of wanting to take it back up again. It feels like I have unfinished business. I tried to study on my own, but I need more structure. So, I contacted the local university to check things out.
I remember walking to the placement test and hearing so many lies and negativity in my head that my cheeks literally started burning. "You are too old. This is too much. You are just a mom, who do you think you are.. what a waste of money..." I pressed on. I took the test and missed placing out of the first year by like twenty points. I told my husband that night and he said, "Noooo! You are better than that! Too bad you can't go to language school" The next day, I met with the advisor. I told her I would have to start over with French 101 and she said, "Too bad you can't go to language school!"
As my husband and I discussed the meeting, we realized that our summer plans hadn't panned out yet. And, when a tax refund comes in and you shift your pool membership money that you saved all year and you drive to a cheaper airport in Maryland to get half price tickets to Europe, yes, it is feasible that we can all go to language school in France. Well, me and the kids. Aaron will have to go back to work after two weeks. Also, I started selling things like crazy. Do you know how much money you have in your closets? Between clothes and kids sporting equipment they outgrew, I got two train tickets.
So, I have written before about this idea and question--are we made and wired for certain purposes? I have tried different jobs and career options over the years and basically, ended up staying at home and mothering because I was overwhelmed with mothering AND working. Ever since we returned from living in Africa, I have had this shift in my heart and thinking and trying to respond to what I think I hear God saying about me. This blog started because I heard God tell me to try the cello again and a friend encouraged me to write about it. Then I found out I love to write. I still am learning the cello. Now, I am circling back to French. There is a sense of how I am wired and the more I walk in it, the more I feel I am fitting into a tailored suit. I have spent the past five years saying no to many good things and saying yes to many better things. I have spent more time paying attention to personality and gifting and operating out of love and GRACE instead of guilt, shame and duty.
Today, I took a tour of the campus of where I will begin a degree program in French and Francophone studies and I can't believe this is happening. Again, I only share because I would ask you the same question-- do you have unfinished business? Do you have old dreams that if money weren't an object or time, you would pursue? Do you find yourself doing things that don't exactly fit? What if you just shift a few things around and you CAN do something you thought you couldn't?! Maybe it's time to take a risk or ask God or run a crazy idea by someone and they don't think it's so crazy and actually believe in you.... because I will say, there is a lot of "NO" in life, but sometimes, there IS lemonade in the pantry!
Lord, I don't know what you have in mind when you make us. I do know the more I step into who I THINK you have made me to be, it is a lot more peaceful and fun and full then whenever I chose my own way or what I think I should be doing. Reveal yourself to us and reveal us to you and be encouraged. We do love you and we do care! And thank you for sometimes saying yes. AMEN.
