Suspend Judgement

Photo by alex lauzon on Unsplash

I first heard of this concept from my college roommate. She was studying to be a nurse and they were discussing case scenarios. The professor told them a story of a woman who was filthy and smelled so bad that people were avoiding her in the waiting room. They thought she was a homeless person and were annoyed and disturbed. Finally, a staff person reached out to her, and it turns out her son was in an accident. She had been gardening and when she heard the news, she panicked and lost control of her bladder. She didn’t have time to change b/c in her hurry, she had jumped in the ambulance. So, the professor admonished the students to have compassion, to be curious and basically to suspend judgement.

During our cross cultural training and also in my own background of anthropology, we have been exposed to a lot of training on this concept involving cross cultural situations. There was one simulation that was particularly embarrassing. We were with other cross cultural workers going to work with the underserved. In the simulation we didn’t know the language spoken to us, and we had to figure things out. The room was set up to look like a disaster. Then we were being yelled at in a different language and had to make more decisions. I forget all the instructions, but I will never forget how angry our instructor was with our group. Apparently we failed miserably and he had never seen a more selfish response. He admonished us to suspend judgement and to weigh what we see with loose scales. Apparently, we were at an airport where there was a strike and the workers had not been paid and yet had to work long hours or lose their job. We were fearful and self protecting and angry. Oye vey!

As I have said before, while in Uganda, we were all speaking English, but we were not always saying the same things. Communication is for sure an art, not a science! I am experiencing this currently with the teenage species in my house as we interpret facts very differently, and I am trying to impart a greater truth and a broader vision past the immediate and ever changing needs and feelings of my younglings.

Flash forward to our digital world and our global society. We NEED this principal, big time. We need to bring back listening, curiosity rather than the current climate of opinions, snap judgements and rapid analysis. Talk less, listen more! I catch myself reacting to a photo or the endless tattle tailing of people’s twitter accounts, and it’s like I am transported to the cafeteria of my middle school. They said, what? They did what? But, I find if I try to get to the root of why people say things or act the way they do, there is almost always a reason. I keep bumping into this statement, “Don’t take the bait” There is a lot of intentional provoking right now. Trying to get us to react.

When I slow down, I remember my values and principals. It’s a free country and a free world, and I believe people can have different opinions. I am listening to a podcast by Wayland Henderson—he keeps commenting, “Unity, not uniformity.” It resonates with me that we don’t all have to be the same or see the same. I value people different than me, and I learn and grow when I am challenged. My heart gets hard and I get cynical when I slip into judgement or being close minded.

I have been thoughtful of a list my friend Diane once gave me about the difference between discernment and judgement. I think about this a lot right now as we are all pondering how to get along. I also am pondering facts vs. truth vs. interpretation. There are facts, but depending on your view, background and experiences, your interpretation of these facts will be different than others. Once we were at the airport and we had to check a car seat and the ticket agent had given us permission to do that and then jump the line. A customer complained that we cut the line and the ticket agent who was from New Jersey went off on them in a very Jersey accent, “You don’t know what I know!!” I often think that when I read a story or see a picture and I don't know all the facts. We don’t know what we don’t know AND no one has all the information if we are honest. I think this is true about world and social events, and it certainly is true if I am standing in line at Target or walking down my own street. Suspend judgement, ask questions, try to give the benefit of the doubt and be helpful is what I am saying to myself these days!

While it is true there are facts, often there is a greater truth going on. We see this in nature. During the winter, things look quite dead, but beneath the surface, there is a lot of life and the promise of spring happening. Also, the paradox of the seed is that it must die to reproduce. What looks dead actually produces life. There is a fact of death, but a greater truth of resurrection.

We can all see a problem or situation but we come to very different conclusions on the interpretation of those facts based on our values, faith and experiences. Also, for me, I am a person of faith, so I would argue there is also a greater Truth that supersedes facts because I believe God can and does intervene and that we as humans don’t always see correctly.

So, to wrap up, I am pondering this list all the time as I push myself to love and listen to people different than me and to also process life’s events. It’s hard, but so worth it. We need each other, y’all. Together we stand, divided we fall—as a nation, as a world, as a community. Slow it down and move towards more compassion and empathy.

In case it’s helpful, here’s the list:

Discernment

Goal: Restoration

1- asks a question to form an opinion

2- limits sharing about a situation to those involved

3- looks for comparable situations in your own life

4- focuses on how to overcome situations

5- accepts person; prays and waits for God’s timing

6- earns a person’s confidence and offers help

7- prays for situation and person

Judgement

Goal: Proving your self right and trying to convince God and others to your side

1- forms an opinion based on preconceived ideas

2-shares with people outside the situation

3- avoids personal comparison

4- focuses on the situation and projects hostility

5- rejects the person as well as the sin (or what they are saying or doing)

6-tells person what is wrong without helping situation

7- remembers the person and situation with condemnation